Skillfully manage your relationships - and emotions - with just one skill

Download the Validation 101 Guide to transform your relationships with yourself and others starting today

Have you ever…

  • Felt worried, but was told, “Don’t worry - it’ll all work out.”

  • Felt angry, but told yourself, “It’s not a big deal; I’m just too sensitive”

  • Shared about a stressful situation and was told, “It could have been worse!”

I’m guessing your hand shot up to at least one of these scenarios because invalidation is EVERYWHERE!

Especially for those who experienced Childhood Emotional Neglect (CEN), which is often caused by having emotionally immature (aka underdeveloped) parents.

I’m also guessing that these responses often didn’t feel all that helpful, but you couldn’t explain why that was, especially when you knew the other person cares about you and has good intentions.

“The biggest MISTAKE we make with validation is that we think we’re validating when in reality we’re constantly invalidating ourself and others!

Why do we keep invalidating others despite our best intentions?

Mainstream society still sees emotions as unimportant - even negative - making them easier to invalidate

1

2

Many people struggle to tolerate their own emotions, which decreases tolerance for others’ emotions

3

Lack of education on emotions and why they’re important

4

Many types of invalidations are disguised as validations

This means we ALL invalidate at times - yes, even therapists - without even knowing it!

But like I always say: IMPACT TRUMPS INTENT!

Being invalidated can still hurt and make people feel unseen, unheard, and unimportant - even if we don’t mean to.

And it can still destroy relationships, no matter how much love there is.

If invalidation happens once in a while, it likely won’t lead to any big relationship problems.

BUT if it’s a constant occurrence, it will inevitably erode trust, connection, and satisfaction in any relationship.

→ In short: INVALIDATION IS A BIG FREAKING DEAL!

To better support those you love (including yourself) in the way that you intend, it’s critical to learn what types of common responses are invalidating and lead to relationship disconnection.

That way you can easily swap them out for responses that foster connection and create a relationship with those you care about that can withstand the normal ups and downs of life.

Validation skills are LIFE skills

Katie Egge, LMFT